When I first came to Japan, I was so homesick I could swear I heard the rooster crowing from our neighbor’s backyard in Angeles City—except I was in Tokyo, and that sound was probably just a black crow rummaging through the early morning garbage with a rougher, deeper tone.

Back then, calling home wasn’t really an option. International calls cost a fortune—one long-distance chat could wipe out my week’s grocery budget. No sinigang, no eggs, no rice—just me, and maybe a half-empty jar of peanut butter. So I turned to letter writing. Real letters. Pen, paper, envelope, and stamps.

I wrote to my family and friends in the Philippines to forget that I was alone. Sometimes I poured my heart out. Sometimes I just talked about the weather, or the weird vending machines, or the fact that trains were so quiet I could hear myself think (and overthink). I even painted the stationery and decorated the envelopes with sakura petals or whatever random bits I found cute. I was sure they smiled when they received my letters from Tokyo. If not for the content and the artwork, maybe at least for the effort.

But their replies took time. Weeks. Months. Some never arrived at all. So I started writing letters I never mailed. Maybe I wrote them just for me—to process things, to feel less invisible. I still keep some of them in a shoebox, now a time capsule of my confused twenties.

One letter described how I heard Bahay Kubo playing as background music in a Japanese supermarket. I froze mid-aisle, holding a daikon. Suddenly I was back in elementary school, singing in front of a karton na jeepney decorated with crepe paper. I caught myself humming while shopping. A few old men turned to look. I just smiled. Let them wonder if I was a celebrity... or mildly unstable.

In another letter, I talked about my landlord’s garden. It was lovely—perfectly trimmed shrubs, flowers arranged like a mini Zen postcard. And then I saw them: sampaguitas. Our national flower! I gasped like I’d spotted an old friend in a foreign airport. I pointed and told my landlord excitedly, “Sampaguita! National flower of the Philippines!” She nodded politely and said, “Ahh… sore wa jasmine desu.”
I wanted to say, “Yes, but it’s not just jasmine—it smells like childhood, like church, like fiestas.” But I just smiled again. Not every translation is verbal.

There was also that unforgettable moment in a coin laundry. An obaasan (a sweet elderly Japanese woman) started chatting with me cheerfully. I didn’t understand most of what she said, but I nodded and replied “Sō desu ne” with the confidence of someone born and raised in Kyoto. After my sixth sō desu ne, she paused, gave me a suspicious look—as if to say, “Ah. Broken gaijin robot.” She quietly walked away, probably to find someone who actually knew what she was saying. I folded my laundry with what little dignity I had left.

But through it all, I kept writing. Letters full of odd encounters, quiet joys, small heartbreaks, and tiny victories. I wrote about how vending machines here sell both hot coffee and cold soup. I wrote about the science of bowing: how deep, how long, how often. I wrote about eating kombini food while crying over old birthday photos from home.

And I never mailed most of them.

Maybe because they didn’t need to be sent. Maybe because I was learning how to speak to myself. Writing those letters became a way to stay connected—not just to home, but to the parts of me I was afraid I’d lose.

Now, years later, I still write letters sometimes. Not because I’m homesick, but because I’ve made peace with being between homes. Japan taught me how to live in translation—not just between languages, but between lives.

So to anyone out there who’s homesick, alone, or pretending to understand an obaasan in a laundry shop—write the letter. Or the email. Even if you never send it.

One day, you’ll read it again and realize:
You were never really lost.
You were just finding your way.

Noong March 4–17, nagkaroon ako ng art exhibition, Waiting for Spring, sa Koyama Gardens, Nerima, Tokyo. Dapat spring na, di ba? Pero ang panahon, parang may sariling trip. Winter pa rin, bes, anong ganap?! Fuyu nano? Haru nano? Docchi yanen? (Winter ba o spring? Ano ba talaga?!)

Sa loob ng dalawang linggo, kumpleto ang weather experience ko. Isang araw, Frozen mode. Kinabukasan, parang Cast Away. May snow, may araw, may ulan—parang buffet ng panahon! Kulang na lang, umulan ng isda at tinapay. Parang ex mong hindi maka-move on—pabalik-balik! Motokare mitai ni modottari, hanaretari suru tenki ne! (Parang ex na bumabalik-balik ang panahon!)

Dahil dito, nagmukha akong weather oracle sa exhibit. "Magdala ka ng payong!" "Uy, maaraw naman!" Five minutes later... "Okay, buti na lang may gloves ka!" Pati mga bisita ko, hindi alam kung anong outfit ang weather-appropriate. Layering is key, pero hanggang kailan ako magmumukhang sibuyas?! Tenki ga kawarisugite, nani o kireba ii no ka wakaranai! (Sobrang pabago-bago ng panahon, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang isusuot!)

Pero kahit anong mood swing ng panahon, sobrang saya ko! Ang daming dumating—mga kaibigan, bagong kakilala, at kahit mga nagkamali lang ng pasok. Iba talaga ang art—kahit anong season, may hatak! Minsan, maging ang mga nawawalang turista ay dumating upang makita ang eksibit! Maigo no kankoukyaku made tenji o mi ni kite kureta yo! (Kahit ang mga naligaw na turista, napadpad sa exhibit!)

At ngayon, spring na raw... pero bakit may snowflakes sa bintana ko? Waiting for Spring ulit hanggang June? Weather, sure ka ba sa choices mo? Haru no hazu nanoni yuki!? Kisetsu mo mayotteru no kana? (Spring na dapat, pero may snow?! Nalilito rin ba ang panahon?!)

Sabi ng eksperto, dahil daw ‘to sa climate change. Mas unpredictable na ang weather, kaya kahit dapat warm na, bigla na lang lalamig. Dahil sa climate change, parang nag-aaway ang spring at winter! Kikou hendou no sei de, haru to fuyu ga kenka shiteru mitai! (Dahil sa climate change, parang nag-aaway ang spring at winter!)

At hindi lang weather ang pasaway. Grabe rin ang kafunsho o hay fever! Ang dami kong kaibigang nilampaso nito. Mas malala raw ngayon. Buti na lang, isang beses lang akong tinamaan nito noon. Isang beses lang, pero never again! Parang trauma na ayaw ko nang balikan! Kafunshou wa ichido de juubun! Mou iranai! (Isang beses ng hay fever ay sapat na! Ayoko na ulit!)

Ang kafunsho ay dulot ng pollen mula sa mga cedar at cypress trees, na parang may personal vendetta laban sa tao tuwing spring. Ang sintomas? Walang katapusang pagbahing (aaachiing!!!), makating mata, baradong ilong—parang may sipon forever. Literal na walking tissue dispenser ka buong season! Hanamizu ga tomaranakute, tisshu ga tomodachi! (Hindi tumitigil ang sipon, kaya tissue na ang best friend mo!)

Para malabanan, marami ang nagsusuot ng mask at shades—parang undercover agent kontra pollen. May mga umiinom ng antihistamine, may eye drops para sa kati, at may air purifier para bawasan ang pollen sa bahay. Ang iba, nagtatago na lang sa loob at nagdarasal na matapos na agad ang pollen season. Parang zombie apocalypse pero pollen edition! Kafun no kisetsu wa sabaibaru geemu mitai! (Ang pollen season ay parang survival game!)

Dito sa Japan, may pollen forecast pa—parang weather report, pero mas nakakapanindig-balahibo! "Today’s pollen level: HELL MODE." Maraming nawawalan ng pag-asa kapag naririnig ang forecast. Kafun no yohou o miru tabi ni zetsubou! (Bawat tingin sa pollen forecast, nawawalan ng pag-asa!)

Kaya habang hinihintay natin ang totoong spring (at paglaya mula sa pollen), sana naman mag-chill na ang weather at ang mga puno. Next year, pakiusap, spring lang ha? Walang bonus winter! Rainen koso wa chanto haru dake de onegaishimasu! (Next year, sana pure spring na lang, please!)

Sa huli, arigato gozaimasu sa lahat ng bumisita—mga kaibigan at mga soon-to-be kaibigan. Salamat sa suporta at weather resilience! Sana hindi kayo magsawa, kasi ako, hindi magsasawang mag-art exhibit kahit may snowstorm pa! See you sa susunod—rain, shine, or snow! Tsugi no tenrankai mo otanoshimi ni! Ame demo, haru demo, yuki demo, mata aou ne! (Abangan ang susunod na exhibit! Kahit umulan, maaraw, o mag-snow, magkita tayo ulit!)

At kung hindi kayo nakapunta sa exhibition, huwag mag-alala! Connect with Jeepney Press online magazine dahil lagi akong nagpo-post ng pictures dito. Parang virtual tour na rin, minus ang lamig at pollen! Tenrankai ni korenakatta hito mo, Jeepney Press no webusaito de shashin o chekku shite ne! (Kung hindi ka nakapunta sa exhibit, i-check ang pictures sa website ng Jeepney Press!)

Haha, eto na nga, nandito na naman tayo! Bagong taon, bagong pagkakataon… pero parang wala namang bago, ‘di ba? Gising pa rin sa umaga, ‘yung katawan mo parang may sariling agenda—lahat ng aches and pains na hindi mo inaasahan (salamat, edad!). Tapos ‘yung mga pangarap mo, as usual, naghihintay pa rin sa huling bahagi ng taon. Yung excitement? Nasa “birthday vibes” na lang—kung walang party, parang ordinaryong araw lang, 'di ba? Sabi nga nila, "New Year, new me!" Pero ang totoo, “New Year, same me” pa rin! 

Ayy, sana nga, ‘di ba, yung New Year parang puno ng hope at energy, tapos biglang may fireworks of excitement! Pero minsan, pag magpapalit na ang taon, ang tanging naririnig mo lang, “Hindi na kita kaya, anak.” Yung katawan mo, biglang nagiging self-aware, tapos sasabihin na lang, “Hoy, mag-pause ka muna, baka magka-arthritis ka na!” Diyos ko, Lord, sana hindi, wag naman! Pero parang may back pain na yata ako, tapos yung mga joints ko, parang, "Nope, hindi na namin kayang magsayaw tulad nung una." Tapos ikaw, “Ay, oo nga, hindi na ako bata…” Pero anong magagawa mo? Patuloy pa rin, kasi ano pa nga ba? Another year, another chance to get older! Aray ko po! Kung may wish ako sa New Year, sana ‘yung mga joints ko may reset button. 

Hahaha! Oo nga, baka yun lang ang magic na kailangan natin—yung magic na walang “expectations” at puro chill lang! Ang mga resolutions, parang may expiration date. Yung "mag-diet" na yan, parang sa mga unang linggo lang, tapos biglang “Sige, start na lang next year!” Yung gym, hindi na three times a week, baka one time a month na lang—kung may energy. Yung "healthy lifestyle," parang software update—lagi na lang nawawala. Pero may good news pa rin! Hindi mo kailangan maging Superman o Wonder Woman sa isang taon! Chill lang! Huwag na natin gawing mataas ang standards kasi ang buhay parang Netflix series—hindi lahat ng episode exciting. Minsan, episode lang ng buhay ka pa rin, tapos ang ending, “To be continued…” Pero okay lang, buhay ka pa rin! Gumagalaw, kahit ang balakang mo parang may sariling concert tour! 😂 Kung may award sa pagiging survivor ng buhay, ikaw na yun—kasama ng mga aching muscles at constant "sakit ng katawan" na crew!

Seryoso, ano nga ba ang special sa New Year? Kung tatanungin mo ako, parang ‘di naman ganun ka-“new” eh. Parang “same old, same old” lang. Ano ba ang bago sa bagong taon? Yung mga sakit na dala ng last year, hindi pa rin mawawala—parang ex na hindi makaalis! Yung isang taon na nawala, okay lang, pero yung back pain mo na parang may personal relationship na sa ‘yo—nandiyan pa rin! Parang ikaw lang din, nag-hahantay ng “breakthrough moment,” pero ang katawan mo, sinasabihan kang “Hoy, relax ka lang.” Kung pwede lang mag-pause, baka doon sa mga sakit, di ba? Pero kung may remote lang para i-pause ang katawan, malamang lang—mas maaga kang makakain ng pizza at matutulog ng buo! Huwag mong gawing like your last year's resolution—“magka-pause button para sa katawan.”

Pero siguro, ang tunay na essence ng New Year para sa mga katulad ko—yung commitment mo na kahit may sakit, kahit may pagkakataong gusto mong magtago sa kama buong araw (with Netflix, of course)—kailangan mo pa ring magpatuloy. Kasi, diba, life doesn’t stop just because may back pain ka o may slight muscle cramps. Pati mga muscles mo, gusto na mag-hibernate, pero ikaw, magpapatuloy ka pa rin! Ang commitment mo sa buhay parang commitment mo sa pagkain—hindi mo kayang mag-skip! Kahit na feeling mo gusto mong i-skip ang day dahil may hangover (from life, not alcohol), ikaw pa rin, magpapatuloy—kahit pa may emergency call ang blanket at pillow mo!

Minsan, may moment na ang katawan mo magmumukhang high maintenance, pero ang spirit mo—nasa hustle pa rin! Kaya nga, kung may award sa pagiging professional bed-occupier, ikaw na yun! Ang secret? Pag kayang magtago sa kama, ‘di ba, make it an art form—Netflix, snacks, and a blanket fort!

Hahaha, kaya nga, hindi na ‘yung fireworks ang magpapasaya sa’yo, ‘di ba? Graduate ka na dun. Hindi na ‘yung mga confetti at glittery lights—wala nang time! Siguro ang happiness mo na lang sa New Year ay pag umaga, buhay ka pa, at makakapag-kape ka pa—yung masarap na kape, ha! Yung kape na hindi ka maghahanap ng “meaning of life” sa bawat pag-timpla, kundi “Is this strong enough to survive today?” Walang bago, pero ‘yung simpleng fact na nandiyan ka pa rin, yun na lang—yun na yun! Walang pressure, no need to be dramatic. Ang tunay na New Year’s resolution? Commitment na lang sa buhay, kahit na parang walang pagbabago. Yung hindi mo na kailangan ng fireworks, basta kape, buhay, at may pangako kang tatapusin mo ang series na pinapanood mo—kahit hindi mo na maalala kung nasaan ka na! 

It’s a new year, pero tayo pa rin ‘to—mga buhay na may konting pain, maraming promises, at mas maraming kape! Kasi, honestly, walang matinong plot twist ang buhay kung walang caffeine, di ba?

So as we step into this new chapter, let’s drop the pressure to be "super successful." Minsan, ang totoong tagumpay ay ‘yung kaya mong mag-toast ng bread, humiga sa tabi ng kama, at mag-movie marathon without guilt. Kasi, in the grand scheme of life, ‘yun na talaga ang mahalaga: just keep going. Kahit may mga sakit, kahit pagod, basta’t mag-show up lang tayo—kahit minsan lang.

Let’s face it, mas madali pang mag-binge watch kaysa magbuhat ng dumbbells, so no judgment! Bahala na si Lord sa big moves, basta tayo, andito pa rin—kahit naka-slow mode at ‘yung steps natin papunta lang sa fridge, haha. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and sometimes, the best thing we can do is take it one snack break at a time. Cheers to surviving, thriving (kahit papaano), and showing up in our own way!

Happy New Year, mga friends! Kahit medyo may sakit sa katawan, laban pa rin tayo! I mean, come on—who needs a perfect body kung kaya mo namang bumangon para sa next snack? Life hack: laging may space ang tiyan para sa chips at extra round ng kape. Kung napo-pause mo ang Netflix, aba, kaya mo rin ang diet pause, di ba? 

Pero real talk, kung ang buhay mo ngayon ay para lang mag-snuggle sa kama with snacks, congrats! Winning ka sa New Year vibes. Tuloy lang tayo—konting sakit, maraming snacks, at bagong episodes sa next chapter ng buhay. Pero please lang, huwag naman yung sakit na parang subscription na walang cancel option, ha? 

For now, let's celebrate ang mga small wins: buhay pa tayo, may snacks, may Netflix, at may legit excuse na magpahinga. Cheers to more snacks (yung healthy, ha), less stress, at maraming pahinga this year.